Reflection of darkness
by Laikea
Summary: Another one of these dreading your existence fics.


Hey everyone, I would firstly like to inform you that this is my first attempt at TMNT fanfiction before you begin flaming me (hey that would be feed back! OK flame me!) Truthfully, it wasn't in my intentions to even post it but then I read it to myself and thought, What the heck! I might as well, maybe someone might actually enjoy it.  
So here it is. If you think it's not worth it to keep on writing tell me, (I might stop posting it but I won't stop writing!! NOTHING can stop me MWAH UAHUAH!!(yes that was supposed to be an evil laugh))  
Please review please please please (I'm not beggint, just asking really nicely! How can you refuse?!! Laikea picks herself from the floor))And before I forget, would anyone be interested in BETAing the next chapters for me? I don't think my current Beta would be too interested in this kind of Fic.  
Dedications? To Tami, she deserves it,(laugh in my face all you want you evildoer! this is for you!!)  
Do I own them?? Do I actually need to torture myself again? NO I don't!(Own them I mean)  
enough with babbling, here's the story!  
  
Chapter1  
  
Darkness: when light is not reflected into the eye.   
Humans, always stripping every word of it's romanticism, of the feelings which actually fills up the structure of their vocabulary. Down here, darkness held a life of it's own. Millions of shadows melted into each other, attacking any passers-by (as few as they actually were) filling them with a sense of fear and discomfort, urging them to resurface into the sunshine as soon as they had a chance.  
I've been living in this black alternate universe for the past seventeen years. My whole life actually. I don't even remember what it was like before the sewers, before we were banned down here, and still, I miss it.   
  
How can you say you miss it if you've never even been part of it? you may ask.  
  
It's not as much as a malancholic feeling,rather than a yarning one. I'm by myself again, walking in this dark world which I share with four others, my three brothers and my sensai, with water up to my ankles and my head filled with the same questions which seemed to have assaulted me ever since I can recall.  
  
I turned around in my path, heading towards my home, our lair, knowing full well that if I were gone for much longer, the others would have gotten worried. I've been like this for the past few weeks: solitary, anti-social. I could barely even stand to be in the same room as one of the other turtles or hold a conversation with them for more than a few minutes before my mind silently screamed to be left alone, to be abandoned to it's own morbid thoughts. I was supposed to be the responsible older sibling, I was supposed to be there when they needed me, yet, I wasn't. I pulled away when they neared me, I answered in monosyllabic sentences when addressed to, and to add to it, I had no apparent reason for acting this way. If I were human, I could have blamed this on hormones, wasn't I a teenager after all? But I'm not a person, I'm a turtle, a cold blooded animal, I had no excuse and yet I persisted in my behavior.  
  
I walked through a door and into the living room where my younger brother, Michaelangelo was occupied in his favorite activity. Or to specify, in front of the Tv channel surfing.   
  
"Look who finally graced us with his presence" A voice to my right called out.  
Raphael.   
"Hey Bro, I'm supposed to be the one that disappears for undetermined periods of time" He said mockingly, mimicking the same exact words I would sometime throw at him after his return from one of his 'walks'.  
I don't know why, but this particular comment, made at this particular time, irritated me to a point of exasperation. I turned after nodding to Donatello in acknowledgement of his presence and headed quietly to my room where I was finally alone, even if it was only a thin wall that separated me from the other beings which filled my life.  
  
"Leo? are you okay?" a small voiced came from the door and I looked up from my position on the bed even though I didn't really need to. I could have recognized him anywhere.  
  
"yeah Mikey don't worry" The youngest of my brothers, and yet the only one with whom I could still hold a normal conversation. He nodded briefly when he realized I had nothing more to add and closed the door behind his muscular figure as he left not bothering to masquerate a sigh of exasperation which was clearly heard echoing throughout the silent chamber.   
  
I looked up to the ceiling, It bothered me to be hurting him, but at that very moment, it didn't really affect me, it was as if a thick bubble had closed off around my soul when concerning my siblings. I felt nothing. I loved them of course, I was forever overcome by feelings of protectiveness when thinking about them but when my actions came into play, I was numb, as if what I actually did or said to them couldn't really hurt them.   
  
I didn't want to think about that then though, I wanted to get lost in my secret dimension where I could be outside, by myself. Actually, I wasn't even myself, I was human. In every little daydream I had, I changed form, I became a person, a person who was free to walk in the city or park, or wherever the hell he wanted to go, without people turning, or stopping in their tracks screaming or staring. I was absolutely normal, living an absolutely normal day in an absolutely normal existence.  
  
I closed my eyes lost in my thoughts, enveloped in my fantasies, basking in the only ray of sunlight of my day. I almost doze off but before I had the chance to, I shook my head trying to keep myself awake. This was my only glint of happiness, by succumbing to slumber I would become lost in my dreams, I would most probably return to my reptilian body as that was the only one I was used to. I couldn't let that happen, there would be time to sleep in the evening, now I had to concentrate on my single joyful golden pearl.  
  



End file.
